I am alien. Its a beautifull life!!!!

about nothing

THe wine goes to my veins. Life become short and large. The pain goes to extremes and there is nothing in between. Run from my side because I am a point of no return. I am not the kind of lay down and die. Remembering my dreams last night. What have you done? THere is no chemical between people, only lies. I want you to rember, everything you said to my hell. I am going crazy. My millions of personality are taking place in my body, they want to speak. Sometimes they are heros, but another they are criminals. I am a criminal. I made many mistakes. My born is a mistake. Why does everybody prefer to live a lie. Why do I prefer a lie. What do I have become? What was that dream? Why some many reality dreams...

I, I, I...Ego.

I lost my desire. I don't know what is happening with me. I cannot wake up early in the morning and also study. I have been passing my mornings lay down on the bed, watching videos. No, they are not good videos! My lung are tired, my head full of ghosts. Sometimes I don't even no if I got a body. I have not been posting because I do not know what post. Nothing happens, nothing unsual. I'm paralyzed. Yesterday I cry. I have been doing my things to go somewhere that choose, but it has not working at all. I want to jump from the top of a building only to see the things passing slowly through my eyes. The only thing that I can see is money saying good bye. Watch the water bleed the soil, so the circle is complete. Tell me want you want. Is the earth beneath my feet? I do not even no if I can swim again. Tell me what I want, what have I betrayed?

...

I have been in Cambridge. It is an amazing city and university. I've been at the King's College, which was constructed in the 14 century. Annexed to every college they got a chapel, and the King's college chapel is wonderful. It don't looks like a church or anything, it is a interesting building with 25 meters of high, 88 meters of length, 24 of width and a lot of mystery. I walked around the city and could see places where Sir. Isaac Newton lived, drank and study. Trinity College is the place where Newton wrote most of his papers. The book Principia Matematica is in the Cambridge library with a lot of other manuscripts. What can I say? 32 Nobel prizes had studied at Cambridge. A beautiful city, university, but they are very capitalists, to study there you have to pay 40000 reais a year and of course being accept. Anyway, there you can fell a little different breeze touching your nose.
* * *
I lost my madness. I want to be crazy again. I don't know how I became a normal person.

I have been study 8 hours a day, trying to improve my FCK english, just to pass three years, or more, of my life in this could country. Ok, they got National Gallery, British Museum, Cambridge, Oxford, but they don't have my friends, which can provide my madness. In some way I've been felling a prisoner and I want to set me free.
This world has no meaning for me. My wish is have words like Nietszche...
"I know my faith. One day my name will be associated with something tremendous, a crisis as not equal..."
What I got? Words without meaning, without any sense, unfinished projects and fragmented thoughts.
I need something different, something from the heights, rarefied air...
Unfortunately, I'm human, too human...